Issues

Well... I've spent the last several hours in self pity. I've been in tears for my boys and their struggles in school. Wondering if I could have prevented Cohens issues by having stayed pregnant longer to let his lungs develop... to give him a chance to not have to possibly have these struggles that he most likely faces. I've wondered what has happened to my big-little boy (Ethan) and why we have so many issues with him. All those should have, could have, doubts. For a moment I felt that I have completely failed as a mother, and with all my great intentions, just haven't actually DONE enough. Not having answers. Not having time. Each day slips by with so much we could have/should have done but just ran short on hours in a day. I'm not cut out for this grown-up thing we call life and motherhood. After the pastors sermon on Sunday about our mark on future generations, I feel even more intimidated by this task I have and how it could affect SO MANY more than just me or my sons. Defeated.

But, as my tears dry and I try to look ahead again, I realize my kids are who God made them. And for some insane reason, he decided to give them to me. So... tighten the belt, stand up straight, and each day is a new chance. Still heartbroken... still discouraged, but not quite as defeated as yesterday.